i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
