I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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