he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
