'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
