The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Shame - the story of my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize