Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
