i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
