All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
