she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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