Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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