Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
