what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
