Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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