Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
