Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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