He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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