lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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