Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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