Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
