and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
