Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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