And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
