I wish I could punch you in the face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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