South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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