I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
