he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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