Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
