why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
