I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
porn star boner night. come get it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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