Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
