im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
