If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
