guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
