He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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