When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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