I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize