I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
