I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
