She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize