We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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