he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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