May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
