there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That was before I lit my hair on fire
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
