Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
