Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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