where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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