I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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