we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
