whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
