Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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