It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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