make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
