sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
