I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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