6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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