DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
