Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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