I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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