but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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