Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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