There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
