I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found puke in my bra..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
