You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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