i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
