My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My ass is underappreciated
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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