Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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