sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do vagina's smell?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
