btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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