"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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