I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
