Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You need Xanax blowdarts
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize