You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
