Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
